She Understandeth It Not

Beckie and I are now studying Shakespeare, specifically Romeo and Juliet. As we started, I laid the foundation by describing the protagonists, major and minor characters, plot, themes, and so on. I found an excellent and affordable study guide at www.pinkmonkey.com, which has been one of my favorite literature resources for years. I also like www.sparknotes.com, and usually use a combination of both sites for my literature studies. Each site offers online information, including explanations of famous quotes, study questions, and online quizzes. They also offer downloadable resources for a nominal fee. I paid $1.99 for a 37 page PDF document that was instantly available to me to print off at home. It would have taken me hours to find and compile the information, so it was well worth it to me. It has been a few years since I taught Romeo and Juliet with my other homeschool students, Josh and Beth. Beckie was too young to remember more than an overview from her siblings study, so we are starting anew. We read through Act I, Scene I together. I paused periodically to explain or clarify what was happening and to check in with Beckie to make sure I hadn't lost her along the way. At the conclusion of the day's lesson, I asked Beckie what she thought so far. After a brief hesitation, she replied that she thought she understood what was going on, but that without my interpretations now and then you could say "She understandeth it not."Ah, Beckie! Thou art both a challenge and a joy to teach.

Resolutions, or not?

I am hesitant to make resolutions. It's not that I don't think they are good things. I'm just not sure that a mere calendar change is an adequate reason (or excuse) to vow to do things that should be happening regardless of the time of year. If something needs to be done, I don't wait for a new year. I guess it's a good time to review life and see if the goals are still aligned with who I am now. But I also don't take things lightly if I say I am going to do them, so I don't want to set goals unless I know I will be able to see them through. It's like making a promise to myself, and that commitment shouldn't be taken any more lightly than if I were promising something to another person. I can easily see areas needing improvement. So many, in fact, that it could be overwhelming to try and address them all. I don't want New Year's resolutions to set me up for failure or hang over me with a looming condemnation as days slip by without goals being accomplished. So for now, I am living by general Christian principals without delineating specific and measurable goals. I tend to be driven by nature, and do not lack motivation and objectives I hope to meet. What I need is to live in grace, understanding the mercy of God who created me and knows my heart. I believe God will show me the areas where I should set goals, and only He can help me accomplish anything of true importance. The bottom line for me is that I want to be smack in the center of God's will for me, and my prayer is that if I stray He will nudge me back to the place I should be. So I guess I actually do have a New Year's Lifetime Resolution to stay close to God and cooperate with Him when He reels me back to Himself.

Sequins in the Socks

When Josh was young, he liked to collect rubber bands. We'd go for walks and he would pick up rubber bands that were left behind along the sidewalks. Josh liked to wear as many rubber bands as he could find to put on both wrists. If it left grooves in his skin, he didn't mind. In fact, I finally figured out that what Josh really liked was the deep pressure it gave him on his wrists. He didn't have good awareness of his body, so the input from the rubber bands felt good to him. I was concerned about circulation and that it looked odd for Josh to be wearing so many rubber bands, so I bought some terrycloth wrist bands from a sporting goods store and had Josh wear those instead. The rubber bands were meeting a need for him, so I didn't want to just take them away without an alternative replacement item. But then Josh started collecting sequins that were used for art projects. Because his pockets were usually full of paper clips and other found treasures, Josh decided the best place to store sequins was inside his socks. I think it would drive me crazy to have just about anything besides my foot inside my sock, but it didn't bother Josh at all. Plus, he wasn't doing his own laundry yet so getting them out of the socks was not an issue for him. I gave Josh Zip-loc bags to store his sequins in, because in this case it was an issue of storage and not a sensory need. He was just doing a little sorting and problem solving to keep the sequins in a separate place from his other collections, and if you think about it...socks are pretty handy and convenient for storing small items. Unlike storage containers, in cold weather you almost always have socks on, and once an item or items are in the sock it's ready to go wherever you do.
Most of us wouldn't think to use our socks that way, but for a little guy like Josh with a different way of thinking it makes perfect sense.

Without power for a few days

A windstorm swept through our state, leaving us and many others without power. I quickly realized I am a wimp and would have made a lousy pilgrim or pioneer. It seemed that everything I could think of to do relied on electricity. I am so grateful for my friend, Kathy, who let me bring my entire family to sleep and shower at her house. Plus, she let me bring my freezer things and keep them in her freezer so I wouldn't have to throw everything out. I had to toss everything that was in my refrigerator, but at least most of my freezer contents were spared. It was also nice to be able to heat up some of the meals I had made and frozen, so they wouldn't have to be tossed. I was feeling ahead of the game by making doubles of some of our favorite recipes so I could just reheat them when I got home from work. I had about 6 meals made in advance, and I would have been very sad to have to throw them out. Kathy saved the day for me, and it was nice to be able to do school with Beckie in a home with electricity.

Back to school with Beckie

I started another school year this week, with Beckie being in 10th grade. We've done school all summer together, so the transition isn't as dramatic as it would have been if we'd not been working the lighter schedule. The other transition is being back to work at my part-time job. Since Beckie is back to working on her own while I'm at work, and working with me on my days off and in the evenings and weekends, I've noticed something new with her. She's made comments about how school is more fun when she's with me, and every day (sometimes a couple times a day) she thanks me for doing school with her. She lets me know when she thinks an activity is especially interesting or fun. I don't know if it's just maturity, or if she's heard enough from her friends who go to school to know that she appreciates being home schooled, but it's nice to actually hear her thank me for working with her.

New Friends and Old Friends

I didn't really think I had time for any new friends in my life. In fact, I feel guilty because I have a hard time keeping up and being a good friend to the ones I already have. But this summer I met a group of women at a Bible study that met once a week. These women were so genuine, wanting to please God and be the people they were intended to be, yet recognizing their weaknesses and struggles at the same time. I was drawn to them for their honesty, their compassion, their determination to draw nearer to God. By the end of the summer and the final meeting for the Bible study, I realized that this group has touched my heart and I'll never forget any of them. How did that happen? Oops! I forgot to stay aloof, I guess! Then a few nights ago I organized a gathering for 12 women who met at work back in the early 1980's. We've all moved on to different jobs and don't see each other much but once a year I get us all together to reunite for an evening of shared memories, current happenings, and of course pictures of vacations, kids, and grandkids. These friends have history together, and I value them for their part in my life.

Seeking God

Today some godly women are fasting and praying with me for Josh's work situation. We are seeking God and asking Him to make it clear if we should be advocating for Josh in his current position or if God wants Josh to make a change. Josh has gone the established routes for reporting incidents, through his supervisor, the HR person in his store, and even meeting with the general manager of his store. They all assure him that what he has experienced is not acceptable and they promise him that things will change. Yet nothing concrete has altered. Josh finally felt he had no choice but to take it up a level, and called the district HR person. Although she was polite and professional, and also stated that the abuse Josh has experienced is unacceptable, she took no action on his behalf and left him with the advice to report every single incident to his supervisor. Josh has already reported more than enough for action to be taken, but it's not happening. His supervisor is not always available or in the store when the incidents take place. Josh actually likes the job most of the time, and he would rather not leave at this time even though this is not his final career destination by any stretch of the imagination. But unless something actually does change, he will have to continue working with the repeat offender of verbal abuse and bullying whenever their schedules overlap. Fortunately, Josh is resilient, and I love him for that and so much more. He has been an example to me of showing grace and returning respect for inexcusable behavior by management. I can tell, though, that this work environment is taking a toll on him. So thank you, my friends, for your prayers on Josh's behalf. Many of you only know of Josh through hearing me speak at conferences or at our Bible Study. Your support means more to me than I can express. You know my mother's heart, and how hard it is to see and hear what Josh has experienced. You stand with me, and your compassion and caring ministers to my very soul. I appreciate you all, and the God who knows His child Josh better than any of us ever will. May He make His will known to us!

conference

This year, based on reduced attendance and sales over the last few years, Scott and I have decided just to attend conferences where I am also asked to speak. So we will not be going anywhere just as vendors. When we have tried doing that in the past, I end up talking to people while saying many of the same things repeatedly during one-on-one conversations. When I speak, I can talk to hundreds at a time and then cover more individual concerns between workshop sessions. It is so much more effective to do it that way, and is actually more enjoyable and less exhausting for me to speak to a group. I've registered on the Homeschool Speakers website, but so far (it's only been a couple of weeks) I've not been contacted by anyone through that site. I am praying that God will send me wherever He wants to, but it's kind of looking like I'll be spending my time right here at home. So my other prayer is that I will be at peace with that, too, and that God will use me however He sees fit. I just want to be smack in the middle of His will for me. Is that too much to ask?

The amazing Josh

Josh has been verbally abused at work by a CSM who for some reason despises Josh and has been a repeated offender in calling him names, lying about him, and trying to get him in trouble and make his life harder. Josh has put up with it time after time, but it has gotten increasingly worse and it's apparent that this guy is trying to get Josh to quit or find any excuse to fire him. Today, Josh planned to go and register a complaint in HR about this CSM's behavior. It may make things worse for Josh, but this guy's actions are unacceptable and he should have been fired a long time ago. I hope Josh can increase management's awareness before he is no longer an employee there. I also hope he can get a new and better job somehow, and soon.

Itching away

I have an appointment to see an allergist next week, and I have to be off all antihistamine medication for a full week prior to that visit. I'm now in my third day without meds, and I'm feeling sick. My nose is running, yet congested, and my eyes and throat itch. I'm starting to itch all over my skin in random spots. It's the same whether I am indoors in air conditioning or outside in the summer sun. I'm glad this isn't contagious, but I really feel like crap the way I do when I am sick.

Missed

My Beckie has been away at our church's High School Leadership Training program for the last week. She was complaining about going, but we had already committed to it. I talked to her about being open to new experiences and meeting new people. She has one friend that she spends a lot of time with who was not going with her (thank God), and was not allowed to take her IPod with her. She focused on every negative moment she's ever had at previous camps, and was convinced that she was going to miss everything by being gone A WHOLE WEEK. She acted like it was forever. She borrowed her leader's phone because they make the kids call home to let us know they arrived at Myrtle Beach. She was abrupt then, making sure we were going to feed her fish while she was gone, saying she would tell me about her roommates later, and then ending the call. I didn't hear anything from her the whole week, and I prayed for her every day - usually multiple times a day. I asked my Bible study to pray for her this week, too. I knew she was supposed to get back today, and that they would have the kids call when they were about an hour out so we'd know when to pick them up at church. When Scott and I got home from breakfast, Josh and Beth said there had been a weird message left by a cell phone caller. We all listened to the message, which was only a couple of vocalized syllables that were unintelligible and none of us recognized the voice. It turns out, that was Beckie, because as I was doing laundry my cell phone rang. I didn't recognize the number but it was a local area code so I answered it. It was Beckie, but I didn't even recognize her voice at first as she didn't even mask the hostility in her voice and greeted me with "Hey! Where are you?" It took me a few seconds to realize that it must be Beckie, and I told her I was home and asked where she was. With non-diminishing hostility she spat out "Church. I left you guys a message." I told her that none of us could understand the message that was left and she radiated frustration and disgust as she asked where her Dad was. I told her he was also at church, helping set up for the VBS that starts this week. She said she would go find him and cut off further conversation. Actually, it never was much of a conversation and I told her to call me back if she couldn't find her Dad. I didn't hear anything back, but I'm afraid that whatever God had planned to bless Beckie with she missed it because she was so busy finding things wrong with having to be there.

Time

Beckie has been gone at camp this week and I've made the most of the extra time by going to my Bible study on Monday, meeting a friend for coffee and doing an apheresis blood donation and volunteering with the cats at the Humane Society Tuesday, meeting a friend to walk at a park on Wednesday, and going in to work and answering e-mails and setting up appointments today. Tomorrow I will do a speech evaluation and maybe tomorrow night I will go to an outdoor theater to watch a Shakespeare production. I've also done some cleaning and reading. I talked to my Dad on the phone this morning. He is 80 years old and is still wishing he had more time to do all the things he wants to. He is very busy and in good health, but still feels like I do that there is not enough time to fit it all in. Maybe it is normal to feel this way, and maybe even after I retire I will feel like I can't do all the things I want to.

Changes with Homeschool Conferences

This is a strange time for me. Things seem to be changing in the homeschool world, as evidenced by reduced attendance at conferences for the last couple years. That's been the case for every conference I've been to across several states. Conference organizers are making budget cuts, and vendors seem to be viewed as having limited value. This year, I spoke at a couple conferences that didn't pay me, or even give me a thank-you note or a token pen or coffee mug. I know the people I speak to appreciate what I have to offer, but it baffles me that homeschoolers seem to expect me to give away my services. I've even offered to speak at some conferences, and they reply that I can pay to reserve one of the "vendor" speaking spots. They want me to pay them to serve them and bless the people who hear me? I don't understand that. I don't do vendor workshops, and I work very hard to do professional presentations and then make myself available to talk to people throughout the entire conference. The response to my presentations has always been extremely positive. No other venue that I know would expect to benefit from my personal and professional experience and then not pay me at least something for my work. But it has happened multiple time with homeschool conferences. I did five workshops in one weekend at a conference and was given a verbal "thanks" by one person but was not paid anything for speaking and was still charged full fee for my booth space. I want to help people, and speaking to groups has been very effective to accomplish that goal. But I won't pay to speak, and I won't go to conferences and work as hard as I do just to lose money or barely break even. I know there are people who need what I have to offer, and I hope I will be able to continue providing it. I also know I'm worth being paid.