Academic Snobbery

Josh has been friends with a certain girl for over 2 years. They've enjoyed each other's company and seemed to have a lot in common. I have had a few reservations about the relationship going beyond friendship since the girl is in college and has made a few derogatory comments about "lower classmen" since the time she was a junior. Since Josh is not in college and works full-time, I feared she might not respect him or would feel superior to him. This is never healthy in a relationship. I'm also not clear where she stands spiritually. Josh is a Christian, and his friend attended a church but seemed most interested in it because of the bell choir and music activities she was involved in at the church. She also has expressed some unusual views about relationships, including that she did not plan to date while in college so if someone asked her out anyway she would chew them up and spit them out just as they deserved for not heeding her warnings. Her own mother applauded the idea of dating around for the experiences without committing to any one person. Knowing this, Josh has been wisely cautious and they have remained "just friends". His friend has often made it a point to correct others when she believes they are mistaken or misguided about an area in which she considers herself to be an expert, and has not so subtly corrected others' grammar during casual conversation. I chalked most of this up to her social awkwardness, and Josh also is socially awkward at times. That in itself is not a big deal. The most hurtful thing I've heard in awhile came about this weekend when I learned from this girl's cousin about a recent conversation the relatives had about Josh. Josh's friend recently graduated and plans to go to grad school somewhere out of state in the fall. Josh and I attended her graduation, and my husband and daughter joined us for the graduation party afterward. We met the girl's parents for the first time at the party, although Josh had met them earlier when he went out to dinner with his friend and her parents when they were in town a few months ago. Sometime after Scott, Beckie, and I left the party Josh and his friend were in another area of the house when Josh's name was brought up. The girl's mother immediately said, "No! We're done with him." When questioned about it, she expressed the view that since her daughter had graduated she was also finished with Josh and would be moving on. She stated that everyone in her family has gone to college, and since Josh has not she and her husband do not want him associating with her newly graduated daughter. Fortunately, Josh did not hear these comments and since his friend was in the other room I'll never know if she would have defended him or not. Some of the relatives who have known Josh for years attempted to defend him to the girl's parents, but they were unswayed and not interested in continuing to discuss it. Since the girl is now living at home in another state until she starts grad school in the fall, she is surrounded by the influence she has grown up with - namely, the view that academic achievement is the most important quality by which a person should be assessed. Josh falls way short, in this family's view. Josh is very shy and it is difficult for him to make friends. Still, I do not want him involved in a family that cannot see his good qualities and thinks they are far better people than he is. Josh is actually quite intelligent, but he does not have letters after his name. He does not deserve to be involved with a family that views him as inferior and unworthy to be a part of their daughter's life. Personally, I think the girl who has until now been friends with Josh will be losing out by cutting him out of her life. It will be painful for Josh, who has done nothing to hurt or offend anyone in this girl's family. His only "crime" is that he does not have a college degree. In the long run Josh will be much better off pursuing other relationships where he can be an equal and is seen as a person of value.